The Nation We Deserve

I'd prefer to be writing about something else. In-lieu of that, I'm supposed to be getting some work done. Unfortunately, things have a way of bouncing around in my head in such a way that they don't leave a whole lot of room for much else. My brain becomes a hostage taker, and productivity is the closest victim at hand. So, I guess I'm left with a choice. I can either let my brain shoot the hostage, or I can give it half a dozen pizzas, a fuelled up helicopter and a clear flight path to Mexico. Just for the hell of it, I'm going to go with the latter.

As an unabashed American living abroad, it stands to reason that I've found myself in quite a few conversations that revolve around the same basic premise: "Why is/are America/Americans so [insert stereotype here]?"

Generally, the response to such questions can be broken down into a couple of points:

1. America is a big and complicated place. Often times the picture that is presented to the outside world is either unfair or lacking in appropriate context.
2. Yes, that [insert stereotype here] really is a problem. But overall, progress is being made. Also, most nations suffer from similar issues. In many cases, these issues aren't any worse in America than they are anywhere else.
3. Is the States dealing with these problems in a way that's better than everywhere else in the world? No. But, for the most part the collective intentions of my people are noble, even when they're misguided.

Don't get me wrong, I can be incredibly critical of my homeland, particularly when it comes to our apparent inability to confront any of the pressing issues of the moment. I just think that if a person starts from the premise that the United States is the worst country in the world. Period. Ever. Period. That person can do with a slap to the head. We're responsible for B.B. King, Bruce Springsteen, Hemingway, Martin Luther King and BBQ the way it's supposed to be done. Clearly there's some bright spots here and there.

Lately though, things have taken a turn that can be described as both "interesting" and "dark." I am of course referring to the candidacy of one Donald Trump, and all that his continuing success represents.

First thing's first, for anyone who thinks that his candidacy and the ideas that it promotes are unprecedented, please know that you are wrong. Whether we want to admit it or not, America was built on the idea of marginalization based on race, religion and gender. One need look no farther than the first lines of Article 1 - Section 2 - Clause 3 of our founding document to see that (emphasis mine).

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons

Within a few lines of text, we have an acknowledgement of the fact that slaves are a thing, Indians are worthless and providing representation based on someone being worth three fifths the value of their owners is just peachy. In fact, the United States has a long history of struggling to reconcile the concept of "We the People" with the simple reality that time and again our actions have not lived up to our ideals. Whether it's the "Trail of Tears", slavery, internment camps, the resistance to women's suffrage, Jim Crow, warrantless wiretaps, or any number of readily available examples, it would be impossible to say that somehow Trump's success represents the darkest moment in American history. It would be equally impossible to say that his "ideas" are beyond the scope of anything that we've considered or implemented previously.

There is historical context for almost everything Donald Trump is proposing. Frankly, we've been here before. Deportation of Hispanics? Done. Refusing to allow desperate refugees into the country? You bet. By the way, these weren't just any refugees. They were Jews. You know, the folks we really care about. Don't worry though 75% of them didn't die in German concentration camps! Now, where was I? Ah yes, rounding up U.S. citizens and imprisoning them for the crime of being insufficiently awesome? Why not? Honestly, the list goes on and on. It's for this reason that I find his candidacy interesting. I can't help but wonder if we really haven't learned from our recent past.

However, when I ask myself "are we really doing this?", that's the point where the line between "interesting" and "dark" starts to blur. It's one thing to engage in esoteric debates with political junkies about where we're going as a people and how we've gotten here. It's another to find yourself looking back on history and wondering "is this how it starts?"

I want to be clear, I am still reasonably confident (honestly, I'm about 50/50) that this time next year the idea of a world in which Donald Trump as president will be as ludicrous as it seemed to most people a few short months ago. I say "to most", because I recall watching live the now infamous "Mexicans are rapists" speech and commenting to my wife that Trump was going to do much better than the mainstream pundits were predicting. However, I digress.

The problem is that even if he fails in his bid for the Republican nomination, that doesn't change the fact that as of today, a man who espouses beliefs which we're told are anathema to a free society is currently the favoured candidate for over 35% of a major political party in a nation of over 300 million people.

If the polling is to be believed (and at this point there's no reason to think it's false), his campaign is indeed built upon the backs of whites who are also poor and uneducated. Consequently, it would be easy to dismiss Trump's supporters as mindless bigots who haven't met a fact that they aren't afraid of. I think that's an overly simplistic explanation though.

Regardless of party affiliation, there is one unifying factor in American politics at the moment. "We the People" are pissed off, and for good reason.

For decades, the notion of a strong middle class has been the basis upon which just about every national politician has built their campaign. They [the politicians] haven't delivered. Not only that, but it's now becoming apparent that the concept of upwards-mobility, something which has such a revered place in American culture that it's almost a religion, is complete bullshit. In the immortal words of George Carlin, "there's a club, and you ain't in it."

That brings me to the appeal of a guy like Donald Trump. If you've spent most of your life getting squeezed by a system that doesn't give a shit about you, then of course you're going to be receptive to someone who has a message that boils down to "it's their fault, not yours". It's an easy message to accept, because it requires no self reflection upon the part of the recipient. It also doesn't require that you do anything, other than vote for the guy with the magic wand. While I'm sure this isn't a comparison most folks will agree with, it actually reminds me of the prevailing winds which were blowing during the 2008 election when a certain junior Senator from Illinois was suggesting that his presidency would be a turning point that would halt the rise of the oceans.

The problem with this idea, beyond the fact that it's completely illogical, is that it opens the door to a style of politics that I call "just a bit more." This is the point where people decide that if they sacrifice "just a bit more" of their beliefs and ideals, everything will work out in the end. The knight in shining armour will fix everything. "If we just stop the Mexicans, I'll keep my job." "If we keep the immigrants out, I'll be safer." "If we round up the ones that are already here, well that just makes sense, doesn't it?" "Well, we can't let them back out, it's just not worth the risk."

My question is this, at what point do we go so far that we can't come back again?

I don't think we're there, yet. Then again, maybe it's one of those things where by the time you realize it, the time to change course has already passed you by. 

We've already come to a place where I'm saddened by the injustices that we're willing to tolerate, all for the illusion of personal safety and economic security. The fact that a person can be taken even remotely seriously as a presidential candidate while calling for policies that stand against everything I'm told we hold dear, that's just icing on the cake.

Here's hoping we get our heads out of our asses.

Not All Police

I've not posted anything in awhile. If I'm being brutally honest, it's because I haven't really felt like it lately. But, life moves on and we either move with it or we get left behind.

I wish I could say this was going to be food orientated, but unfortunately that's not the case. Although, I did recently participate in the audition process for a rather popular cooking show. That's a better story that I'll save for another day.

Instead, tonight I want to have a vent about a particular trend I've noticed that's driving me a little crazy. For those of you that haven't been living in a cave, there's been some.... shall we say "unrest" in relation to modern day policing tactics.

See what I did there? I was diplomatic. That's a thing I'm capable of. I could've said "police keep executing people on camera", but I didn't want to start things off on the wrong foot.

Anyway, as I was saying, things are a bit touchy lately when it comes to the subject of law enforcement. This has resulted in an increase in what I'm going to call "Not all Police" bullshit. Long story short, I've noticed that there's been a tendency lately for some folks to put forward stories like this one as some kind of proof that this whole thing is being blown waaaaay out of proportion, and that we should all get down on bended knee and kiss the very ground that every member of law enforcement walks upon. If you didn't bother to click the link to the video, I'll break it down for you. A woman gets pulled over for breaking the law, she behaves like a bitch and the cop doesn't beat the shit out of her. Yes, that's it, that's the whole thing. Do I think the woman behaved appropriately? No. But, do I feel the need to praise the officer's calm and rational handling of the situation? No. Why? Because that's his fucking job. If the fact that a cop DOESN'T beat, mace, strangle or shoot someone is newsworthy, then I think MAYBE that's part of the problem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit here and say that the job of a police officer is easy. But, that's kindof the point. I've said "job" for a reason. This is something they get paid to do. Cheering a traffic stop that doesn't end in violence is like giving a round of applause for everyone who has ever worked in customer service without punching someone in the face. It's literally the bare minimum. If you're someone that feels the need to be a cheerleader for the cops who somehow manage to make it through a shift without murdering someone, then you're actually part of the problem. I mean seriously, what's the alternative? Do you want to start handing out medals every time an arrest is made without someone getting the shit beaten out of them for no good reason?

So, for all of the cops out there that are doing a good job, keep being awesome I guess? But, can those of you who think it's your job to remind us all how not EVERY cop is a racist, paranoid, murdering piece of shit just shut the fuck up? The adults need to talk and your opinion isn't helping.

Carolina Kitchen - A Totally Biased and Unfair Review

Anyone unfortunate enough to spend more than 30 seconds in conversation with me will walk away knowing 3 things.

1. I was born in the States
2. I grew up in the mountains of Western North Carolina
3. Everything is better there. Except maybe this. Seriously guys. WTF.
4. Southern food is awesome.*

*it's my blog, I'll count badly if I want to

"What is it about Southern food that's so awesome?" I don't hear you asking? It's the fact that Southern food is honest, humble and completely lacking in pretension.  No one is going to give a shit if the primary and secondary ingredients in a recipe are lard and more lard. What matters is that the end result is tasty and worth coming home to. 

Since moving to Australia I've struggled to recreate the dishes of my past. Collards become Kale, grits are rationed out like gold and Crisco is nonexistent. Because of this, I'm always excited when a local eatery claims to have the goods. That's why I've been looking forward to checking out Carolina Kitchen for some time now. However, either because of the distance (it's an hour long round trip) or my fear of being disappointed (it has Carolina in the name. That raises the bar), I've only just gotten around to it. 

With nothing much on the cards for a Saturday afternoon, my wife and I decided that the time had come. So, after half an hour or so in the car, and a slight diversion to an ATM (CK's was down), we found ourselves standing in front of a nondescript building claiming to be the home of excellent ribs, wings and burgers. Their sign also mentioned hoagies, but who wants a sandwich when ribs are on offer? 

My first thoughts on walking in were that someone needed to inform the decorator that you can't just throw a bunch of Americana into a room and call it a day. That being said, it did make me wonder if you could actually get away with putting a penciled drawing of Malcolm X on the wall of a restaurant in the South (sporting a star and crescent ring no less). Quirky, that's the only word I can think of to describe the inside. When it comes right down to it though, I don't care if the place looks like a bomb crater, I'll keep coming back if the food is good. 

The menu though, that had me pretty excited. As this was our first time, we felt like pigging out wasn't only justified, it was damn near mandatory. So, one order of  the following and we were ready to get to it:

• 1 Chilli Dog 
• 1 Cheeseburger
• 1 Regular Ribs
• 6 Buffalo Wings (hot of course)
• 1 New York Fries
• 1 Corn Bread 
• 1 Fanta (orange) and 1 Dr. Pepper (cherry)

There wasn't much seating room inside, and the table out the front was taken, so we made our way around the side of the building where they've got some tables setup beneath a "temporary" canvas shelter. Like I said before, I'm not overly picky about aesthetics. But if I was them I'd try to do something about the rubbish bins from the units next door. Even from the table the farthest away, you couldn't help but catch a whiff of them from time to time. I can't help but think that a bit of a refurb wouldn't go unappreciated. 

Fortunately it wasn't long before the fries arrived. Partly because the smell was more than enough to overpower the occasional odour from the previously mentioned bins, but mostly because they were pretty damn tasty. The amount of seasoning was perfect and the fries hadn't gone soggy (as is often the case when people try to put a topping on fried food). The only criticism I could make is that personally I would've popped it under the grill for a bit before adding the sauce and sour cream. This would brown the cheese a bit and give it some more flavour. Beyond that, they were excellent, definitely the kind of thing that you could eat way too much of. We had just about managed to polish these off when the next round came out.

Exhibit A in the case of my expanding waistline

The burger.... I'm not too sure about this one. It was exactly what the menu said it would be, and I can't deny that it was good eating, it just didn't quite do it for me. Firstly I didn't pick up a hit of flame grilled char. If it was there it was drowned out by the excessive amount of mustard. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm a big fan of American mustard. But it shouldn't be the primary flavour on a burger. As an actor it doesn't get top billing. The flip side is that it comes with a decent chilli sauce. Also, it was nice getting a basic cheeseburger without having to spell it out for the person behind the counter. I didn't have to go through my usual litany of "No lettuce. No... no tomato either. No I don't want egg. It's noon dude. We're way passed breakfast. Pineapple? Why? DAMNIT I SAID NO EGG! DROP THE FUCKING BEETROOT!"

I got somewhat overzealous

Few things are as polarizing as wings. To fry or not to fry? How much sauce? How thick should it be? These are all important questions and anyone who has made their own wings will give you a different answer. I'm hesitant to say that any of them are wrong. But that doesn't stop me from having my own personal preference. To me, wings should be crispy. They should be the kind of crispy that you're just not going to get from baking them. Also, the sauce should be thin enough to toss the wings through. What we got was pretty much the opposite of that. They were good, but by this point I was starting to wonder if CK uses the same tomato based sauce for everything. On top of that the vinegar tang makes me think they must use alot of plain Tabasco to try and split the difference between "plain" and "hot". There comes a point where nomatter how much Tabasco you pour on something, it's not going to get any hotter. Most of this can be chalked up to just not being my particular style, so that's ok. The blue cheese dip though? We've got to talk about that. The whole point of the dip is that it cuts through the spicy/vinegariness of the wings. It can't do that without a sufficient amount of blue cheese. Even if the wings aren't overly hot, the dip should have enough blue-cheese in it to make you sit up and take notice. Unfortunately, what we got had a sickly sweetness to it that was much to similar to the wings themselves. So what you end up getting is an overload of the same flavours.

Wings - The struggle is real

By this point I was starting to wonder if maybe we had gone a bit too far with our ordering. Did we have to get the fries and the wings as well as a burger and chilli dog? How long would it be until my stomach starting saying "Dude, just eat a salad once in awhile. Please?"

If it seems like I've skipped something, that's because I have. Unfortunately I neglected to get a picture of Jaclyn's chilli dog. She tells me it was pretty good. It certainly looked the part. The best thing is that is they didn't try to fancy up the bun. It was proper cheap white bread. Nothing works better for a chilli dog.  Now the cornbread...... I really can't bring myself to say I liked it. They get credit for trying (there aren't many places over here that have cornbread on the menu), but for me it was just wrong.  It was far too sweet and it had a cake like consistency instead of the buttery/crumbly goodness that I was hoping for. I think they could use some coarser meal added to the mix. Also, judging by the lack of crust on the edges, I can't imagine they're cooking it in cast iron. I'm a picky man when it comes to cornbread though. I'm probably not being fair though, because to me anything that isn't skillet cornbread isn't worth making.

That brings me to the part I was looking forward to the most. The ribs. Whether you like your ribs dry or saucy, sweet or spicy, everyone knows a good rib needs to be falling off the bone. In that regard, these were faultless. As far as taste goes, I tend to make mine with a bit more of a kick, and a bit more of smoky/charred goodness would go a long way. But these really were the closest thing I've had to Southern ribs since I left those mountains I'm always bragging on. They're definitely worth the trip.

The Main Event

Overall, I'm really glad that we finally got around to going. I know that some folks would be put off by the location and the general state of the place. But those same people wouldn't appreciate the kind of food on offer no matter what you did. Is it a bit cramped? Yes. Could the seating areas do with a bit of TLC? No doubt. But the whole point of this kind of food is it tastes good anywhere. If you've got rib sauce running down your arms you're not going to notice the fact that the table is a bit wobbly.

The results speak for themselves

Have I Missed Something?

As I’m sure the teeming hordes have noticed (because truly, there are so many people clamouring to read this nonsense), my little corner of the world hasn’t been updated in quite some time. It would be nice to say that I’ve been spending my time following some noble pursuit. However, the truth is I’ve been too busy getting up, going to work, coming home and going to sleep, only to start the whole thing over again the next day. Rinse and repeat a few times and suddenly it’s the weekend.  That’s when the real fun starts, because you’ve only got a couple of days to pretend to have a life of your own before the whole cycle starts again. With a schedule like that, who has time for giving a shit about anyone other than me and mine? Actually, that’s not entirely true. Somehow I’ve managed to find the time to keep up with the very important news of the day. Deflate Gate? I’m there. Sherlock Holmes is unable to deduce that he can’t say “coloured” because he’s not these guys? Sign me up for the outrage! Overly simplistic hero worship contrasted with prickish nonsense whose sole purpose is to get attention? Bring on the drama motherfucker! I mean yea, I could be spending my time pretending to care about poor people, like this guy, but that requires a lot of work (and apparently a fuck ton of money); and frankly, I just don’t have time for anything that requires work.This should come as no surprise to those of you who know that I work in an office for a living, but that’s a rant for another day. My point is that my life revolves so much around my job that it’s easy to forget that there are real problems in the world. In fact, some of them are even worth caring about. I’m not really all that worried though, because I know when the shit goes down I can always count on those in power to do the right thing. Until then, I’ll just try to take comfort in the fact that there’s still some goodness in the world.

As an added bonus, here’s a recipe for some awesome dip. It’s also great with a curry, or as a condiment on a burger. Seriously, coprophilia has nothing on this shit.
1kg (2.2 lbs) of Greek Yogurt - Pretend you’re Sir Mix-a-lot… the thicker the better
1 bunch of Coriander/Cilantro - Or make some dill have a threesome with a lemon and some rocket and wait awhile… Alternatively, pull a Cosby and wait for them to go to sleep.
4 spring onions - Don’t be racist, use both the white and non-white portions.
2 cloves of garlic – Perfect for that special someone in your life.
A few sprigs of mint – Because you’ll never be as cool as this guy.
1 Habanero – You can never be too hard on an asshole.
Salt to taste – Half a teaspoon or so….. this is no joke. USE ENOUGH SALT.
I would add some instructions, but they would consist of “pick the leaves, chop everything like you’ve got some common sense, throw in some salt like a boss and mix” so what’s the point?