So, I'm scrolling through some stupid shit the other day and I come across this ad for a drone. Now before I go on, I just want to say in all seriousness..... Fuck drones. Fuck drones and the "hobbyists" that buy them. Fuck drones and the idiot parents who clearly don't see the irony in buying something called a "drone" for their mouth-breathing little whelps. While we're at it, fuck drones and the creepy, voyeuristic shits who think that slapping a camera on one is adding anything positive to society. You're not fooling anyone. It's not "art" and we all know the only thing you're "adding to" is your sad little collection of jerk-off content.
Where was I? Oh, right. Speaking of "jerk-off content", this fucking drone ad. The whole thing is based on the premise that some barely legal surfer lady with perfect hair and big tits somehow manages to find herself in a prime "selfie" situation....... WITH NO PHONE!
Yea, I'm not buying it. When was the last time you saw one of these narcissistic little psychopaths without their phone? #Feelingit. #Inspirational. #FullyLit.
Anyway, whatever. Let's suspend disbelief momentarily and pretend such a thing is possible.
So, like I was saying.... Big-tits surfer girls is in a bit of a pickle. Granted, the ad heavily implies that she's more used to being on one, but I digress..... The point is, what's a girl to do?! Apparently, what you do is push the "come hither" button on the remote you've conveniently strapped to your ankle. Now I'll admit, where I come from if someone has a bracelet on their ankle it has a whole different meaning. So, I was intrigued. Next thing I know it's "DRONE TO THE RESCUE!" Seriously, this thing flies her phone out to her and drops it in the goddamn water about six inches in front of her face. She scoops the phone up, poses and takes the selfie to end all selfies (if only). Crisis fucking averted!
This is where we are folks. It's not enough that I've got a device in my pocket that can send and receive shit to and from space. No, now I've also to consider the fact that maybe I need a flying fucking robot butler to bring me said device on command.
I remember when I was a kid.... yea, I hate myself a little for saying that. Anyway, when I was a kid we all thought the machines in The Matrix were the bad guys. Now I look around and I see a world full of folks going "You mean I get to just lie here in a biological soup and do nothing? All the while you'll beam the shit that I like straight into my brain? So what if it ends with me wasting away into a ball of slime. Sign me the fuck up!"
This is what it's come to. Once upon a time technology was going to save us all. The internet was going to connect everyone and bring about a new and wonderful society built on freedom and democratic principles. Then somewhere along the way we decided that 24/7 access to cat videos was more important than something as lame as "principles."
Don't get me wrong, I think the things we're capable of in this day and age are impressive. They just aren't great.
What do I mean by that? Let me put it this way. It's "impressive" that you can send a picture of your dick halfway around the world in the blink of a hairy brown eye. But, it's not "great." Great would be getting up off your ass and doing something to actually make the world a better place. But, we don't do things that way anymore. We're all way too busy letting everyone know how awesome we are.... without actually doing anything that's... well... awesome.
Remember the #bringbackourgirls bullshit? Oh. My. God. Weren't we all so united for all of about 30 seconds? It was wonderful to sit around and pat ourselves on the back about how fucking amazing we were. Hell, we even had Michelle Obama jumping on the bandwagon. You know shit just got real if Michelle is on-board. Did you ever wonder what happened to them? The little school-girls I mean? You know, the ones we all cared so much about? Oh right, we got bored and moved on to other things. Some lion got killed, an adorable gorilla ate a bullet and Trump is President. Meanwhile, spoiler alert; most of the girls were most certainly NOT brought back. They're still getting passed around like a joint. It's cool though, while they're getting fucked in the ass you can rest easy knowing that the 30 seconds you took to post a hashtag really made a difference. There you were taking a shit, and you thought to yourself "I'm going to step up and really do something." Way to multi-task!
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "If you care so much, why aren't you doing anything?" That's a great question. But, it's based on the false assumption that I care. I don't. The difference between me and you is that I'm not trying to pretend otherwise. I don't give a shit. My point is that neither do you. I think the world would be a much better place if we could just all come to the realization that most of us really don't care. We like to pretend every once in awhile. But the truth is, caring requires some kind of effort. It might even require sacrificing something every now and then. For the most part, we aren't capable of things like that. Unless there's an audience of course. What it boils down to is this: we're all inherently selfish. So, unless there's something in it for us, we're just going to sit here nodding in unison while the world burns.
Just make sure that when the time comes you don't miss out on the perfect end of the world selfie. Actually, I've seen an ad for a drone that you might be interested in.
