Slightly Twisted

Ever since Sophia's Gourmet closed, my wife and I have struggled to find a good weekend breakfast spot that's close to home. The food there was wonderful and the service was really something special.

I'm disappointed to say that after a visit to "Slightly Twisted", we're still looking. 

I'll keep this short, because to be honest there's not much that I think I could say about the place that isn't going to sound like piling on. I know that people want to tell themselves that they really love going to that trendy little gift shop around the corner that sells delightfully ironic toasted sandwiches alongside uber-fancy, sustainably sourced, slow roasted, cold filtered mugs full of pretentious awesomeness that started life buried in the feces of a rodent. 

The truth is, if anyone says they like that sort of thing what they really mean is they like being seen in and around such places because it fits with the carefully cultivated image that they've spent countless years building for themselves. These are the same types of people that own lycra, go to "the salon" and foist their annoying little ill-tempered monsters, who can do no wrong, upon the world. Whether I'm referring to the obnoxious accessories that they pawn off as children, or the furrier and only slightly yappier 4 legged versions that they cram into their handbags, the story remains the same.

If this seems like a slightly long-winded windup, stay with me, because I promise there's a point. 

Either you're a quirky gift shop or you're there to sell food. Pick one. If the meal we received was any indication, you're better off picking the former over the latter.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm probably not the target demographic for places like this. But, with a working set of taste buds and an appreciation for the fact that money is a finite resource, I feel like I'm reasonably qualified to have an opinion on the subject.

On the day, we ordered the following:

1 ham, cheese and tomato jaffle.

1 mocha iced coffee

1 ginger and lemongrass "tea"

1 chicken quesadilla with "salsa"

$29.50 later, what we received was a soggy jaffle, a quesadilla that was about as Mexican as I am, a barely passable iced coffee loaded with aerosol "cream" and a glass of ice water that might've had a photo of some ginger held up next to it at some point, such was the amount of flavour that it contained. 

Tea?

More offensive than Speedy Gonzales

The issue for me isn't that the menu was simple. Simple that's done well is a wonderful thing. No, the issue for me is that there wasn't anything on the table that made me think someone involved in the process actually gave a rat's ass. If you're fortunate enough to work with food for a living, then your customers shouldn't receive something that looks like it was thrown together by a middle aged, inebriated house-wife whose main concern is cramming something in her children's mouths so that they shut up long enough for Desperate Housewives to finish.
If it's specifics that you're after, here they are.

The sauce in the "quesadilla" tasted like someone got Italian pasta sauce from a jar confused with salsa.

Based on the sogginess of the jaffle, I can only assume it was put together well prior to going into the jaffle-maker. That means on the one hand someone was too lazy to cut some tomatoes to order, but on the other I'm supposed to think they actually enjoy what they're dong?

The iced coffee was ok. Next time though, don't bother with whipped cream if it's going to come out of a can.

The tea was a joke. Basically, we were charged like $6.50 for a glass of ice water.

Overall, I've had better food at a petrol station.

Anyone who has bothered to read my corner of the internet knows that I don't have any kind of a scoring system. Generally, either I like a place or I don't. This place has inspired me though.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Slightly Twisted a 2. That puts it right smack in the middle of "I'm not going to work tomorrow." and "Meh. I've had worse." 

Don't waste your taste buds or your money in places like this.